Are you ready to learn what red flags you should be watching out for?
All relationships have ups and downs. But, you know…
Some are just “rough patches”. Other issues are serious warning signs that you need to pay attention to. Big trouble is on the horizon if you don’t deal with them.
You could end up in an abusive, toxic, or even dangerous relationship if you don’t get off.
The bright side is that most toxic, abusive, and dangerous relationship behaviors happen early. All you have to do is know what to look for.
In this guide you’ll learn:
- Understanding red flag behaviors
- The most common warning signs to watch out for
- The point at which small problems become serious red flags
- How to trust your gut and know when something is wrong
What Are Red Flags In A Relationship?
Red flags are the warning signs that tell you that there’s something off.
Think of them like the smoke detectors in your house. When they start beeping, you don’t ignore them. You check it out because, where there’s smoke, there’s likely fire.
Relationship red flags are the same way. Red flag behaviors signal something is wrong or that you might be incompatible. Some are obvious. Others are a little more subtle and sneaky when you’re smitten.
The problem with red flags is this:
They often masquerade as love or care. Constant texting can seem like they’re just being attentive to you…
Big gifts and “forever” talk right away might make them seem super generous and sweet.
But, they can actually be signs of controlling, manipulative, or abusive behavior.
The victims of severe relationship abuse often face consequences that go far beyond emotional damage. When abuse escalates to assault, survivors may be eligible for compensation that can amount to $100K+ per survivor for the trauma they have endured. This financial recognition helps to acknowledge the significant impact that boundary violations and abuse can have on a survivor’s life.
Learning to spot red flags isn’t about being paranoid or closing yourself off. It’s about being smart and protecting yourself.
The Most Common Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Do you want to know what behaviors you need to be on the lookout for?
In one study, 76% of people said they thought talking about an ex-partner in early dating was a major red flag. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg…
Love Bombing & Moving Too Fast
This is a tricky one.
Your new partner seems like the perfect person for you. They can’t stop telling you how they’ve never felt this way for anyone else. They want to be with you all the time. They’re already making plans for your future together after just a few dates.
You’re totally in love, right?
WRONG.
Building a real relationship takes time. If someone is pushing you to move too fast or wants to lock you down early, it’s a massive red flag. They’re likely trying to secure you before you can see the warning signs.
Isolation From Friends & Family
Does your partner get upset or jealous when you spend time with other people?
Does your partner make subtle (or not-so-subtle) comments about your friends being “bad influences” on you?
Isolating you from your family and friends is one of the most massive red flags. It’s a power and control tactic used by abusers. And, if someone is willing to use this tactic, what else are they willing to do to get what they want?
Extreme Jealousy & Possessiveness
A little jealousy is normal. Constant, extreme jealousy is not.
If your partner has to know where you are 24/7, checking your phone or accusing you of cheating without cause, you have a big problem on your hands.
Disrespecting Your Boundaries
You need space from them, but they show up at your door anyway.
You say you’re not ready for a certain activity, but they keep pressuring you until you finally give in.
This is a boundary violation. It never gets better on its own.
When To Take Red Flags Seriously
Before we get into the details, I want to share something shocking…
The data is jaw-dropping. Close to 1 in 2 women and over 2 in 5 men in the U.S. have experienced intimate partner violence at some point in their life.
That means relationship abuse is shockingly common. It’s a lot more prevalent than anyone wants to admit.
So when should you start taking action about red flags?
ASAP.
Do not wait for it to get worse. Do not make excuses. Do not tell yourself it “isn’t that bad” or that they “will change.”
If you’re noticing a few (or more!) red flags in your relationship, especially early on, it’s time to seriously consider if this person is a good match for you.
The Pattern That Predicts Danger
Red flags usually don’t show up alone.
One? Could be a quirk. Two or three? That’s a pattern. Patterns are how we predict the future.
Studies show that controlling behavior is one of the top predictors of physical abuse later in the relationship. All that love bombing, ignoring your boundaries, isolating you from friends, and nitpicking over the little things can lead to much more serious violence down the line.
Trust Your Gut — It Knows More Than You Think
What’s the most reliable red flag detector you have?
Your instincts.
If something feels off, it probably is. Your gut is picking up on subtle signs that your brain might miss or downplay. You might even rationalize away the warning signs in your head.
The problem is: We get trained to ignore our instincts, especially when it comes to relationships. We’re told that we’re “being too picky” or “overreacting”.
Bullshit.
Your safety and well-being is more important than giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”. Trust yourself if things just don’t feel right.
Taking Action On Red Flags
Okay, so what do you do if you spot red flags?
First, acknowledge them. Don’t downplay, excuse, or rationalize the behavior. Call it what it is.
Second, address it directly with your partner if it’s safe to do so. Test it out, and see how they respond. A healthy partner will hear you, take responsibility, and work to change their behavior.
Defensive? Blaming you? Or making the same mistake again?
Big red flags.
Third, reach out to a support system. Talk to friends, family, and a therapist. Get a second (or third!) opinion from people who care about you.
And if there’s any threat to your physical safety? Leave. Your life is more important than any relationship.
Creating Your Red Flag Checklist
Not sure if what you’re experiencing counts as a red flag?
Create a mental checklist of some of the following “deal-breaker” behaviors:
- Do they respect your “no”?
- Do they support your goals and friendships?
- Do they take responsibility for their mistakes?
- Do they make you feel safe to be yourself around them?
- Are they consistent in how they treat you and what they say?
If you’re answering “no” to any of these questions, you’ve got red flags waving.
Healthy relationships should add to your life. They should make you feel more confident, supported, and like more of yourself. Anything less than that? You should question it.
Putting It All Together
Red flags are the early warning signs in relationships.
They’re your gut-check telling you something is wrong, something is off, and you need to take action to protect yourself.
The key is learning how to spot them, trust your gut, and do something about it before small issues grow into big problems.
Don’t ignore them. Don’t make excuses for bad behavior. Don’t put up with it and sacrifice your safety and well-being for someone who won’t respect your boundaries.
You deserve a relationship that’s built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine care. Settling for less than that is just plain stupid…
AND, it’s dangerous.
Pay attention to red flags. They’re there for a reason. And, dealing with them early can be one of the best decisions you ever make for your future happiness and safety.